RECONCILING...A SLOW TRAIN HEADED SOMEWHERE IMPORTANT

IF LEAVES CAN CHANGE...

      When we enter a space of love, shouldn't it be unconditional? In the past I have disliked it when someone laughed with me and said, "Oh Emily, I just love you!" I disliked it because so many times people have said this but not actually done anything about it; They were not a better friend, or maybe not even a friend at all. Shouldn't that kind of love be good enough though? There are people that love you to the moon and back and are always there for you, and there are people that love you because you are who you are but are just passers by. Maybe the goal should be to love without rules; Just because you say that you love someone, it doesn't mean you have to buy them a birthday card. Perhaps I should have just been happy to be loved by a stranger. Perhaps now, just now as I type this, I have gone back and changed "I hate it when..." to "In the past I have disliked it when..." because I finally accept that simple love.

      This Sunday we again gathered in the nursery to hit the next point in our Welcoming Tool Kit. This link will take you to what we are using to guide us through the process: http://welcomingresources.org/welcomingtoolkit.pdf  We looked on to page 14 which introduces us to the next step of reconciling the church. The topic? One-on-one conversations with people we'd like to reach our "feelers" out to so that we can build relationships and get to know other within the church whilst informing them of the reconciliation process we hope to accomplish. We have decided to start with people we know pretty well, and also know haven't showed any signs of being against the LGBTQ community.
      My notes over this sections are as follows:

• A reminder of rule 1: we are not trying to force our beliefs on others. From that follows another rule to this tool kit working well is 2: that we make our one-on-one time with others enjoyable. This should not be seen as a chore, and it should favor the participants in a manner that is something they like to do. The goal is not to make this a weekly/monthly MEETING and instead make it a coming together where you can listen and ask questions about your partner and you both feel comfortable. This process is perfect for discovering what is important to them, and finding hidden talents and gifts that they can bring to the table. 
• As participation grows, this does not mean we must clump ourselves together. We must see the group as a whole, as small groups within so that we refrain from this well-loved notion that churches need to have congregational meetings in order to get anything accomplished (and there's never just one). Then you can encourage those that embrace what our group is trying to accomplish to start their own one-on-ones.
• This is not a time to argue what is wrong and right if you do come upon someone who believes the opposite of you. Listen and ask questions.

What should a one-on-one visit look like? I'm quite nervous about breaking off on my own, so luckily my sister-in-law is going to pair up with me for my first one. 

• Though the handbook says that this meeting shouldn't go over 45 minutes, our group thought it best not to set a time on it. If you just can't stop talking about a certain topic, let it flow. Why cut someone off if it's going well? 
• This is basically a recruitment process. You're trying to get to know this persons history so that you can note their experiences and find their strengths so that you know what hidden abilities that have that can help out this cause. Since I can't outline it any better myself, the following hollow-circle bullets are straight from the handbook:

• Have a clear introduction and ending: the middle is improvisation that is particular to the person with whom you are talking.
• Talk more deeply about a few things instead of covering 20 topics.
• Ask “why?” much more often than “what?”
• Ask the person to tell stories and personal history, talk about important incidents, time periods, or mentors—not just recite facts and dates.
• Offer back conversation and dialogue: it’s not just for the purpose of the other person answering your questions.
• Close by asking the person who else they think you should be visiting with, and what questions they have for you.

These meetings aren't:

• This time you set aside for this person, is also being set aside for the cause you're fighting for. Do not use it lightly by talking about small annoyances in your day. This isn't an excuse to drink a beer with a friend, it's an opportunity for this person to open up to you about what they can bring to the table. 
• And if you have to feign interest in other peoples lives, it's probably best you pick people you know you have something in common with, or pair up with someone.

Though this process should not be cookie-cutter, it should be organized. I was a willing participant with "nothing else to do on a Sunday Morning but sleep in". I have already set aside that hour of Sunday School for gathering with my peers over this topic of reconciliation, so I need to start organizing the steps.

• Step 1: Meet in our initial small group. 
• Step 2: Blog about what we talked about in small group (I'm doing this in order to better understand what we talked about that day because I easily forget things if I do not go over them time and time again).
• Step 3: A new step! Make a list of people I know I can talk to about our cause. 
• Step 4: Carve out some time in my day to call and set up meetings
• Step 5: Follow through with these meetings, and make sure they are in a comfortable environment to the both of you. 

On page 17 is a page we can use for organize reflection on the people we choose to meet with.

May our hearts guide our feet to the path of unconditional love and acceptance of those of us who are living life in a way of truth. Peace to you my friends!

RECONCILIATION...A BIG WORD FOR BIG ACTIONS

Some forest in Belgium I didn't personally get to see in bloom. Pretty sure it was snowing both of the times I went.

Welcome All

      Today in group, we started the process of "reconciling" our church. That word basically means to make it known that our/any church is fully accepting of your life no matter your sexual orientation or race...and the unnatural color of your hair! My neighbor across the street has not reconciled with MY hair.

     If you're interested in this process for your church, or just want to follow along with our process, this is the link: http://www.welcomingresources.org/welcomingtoolkit.pdf - We will also be reading from the book "Doing Justice" by Dennis A. Jacobsen. Now! Let it be known...I made C's in English Language Arts up through college so don't judge my writing skills. When I publish my own book, no one will care how I write but the snobby people. Don't be one of them today! These notes I've taken are based off of the worksheet from page 12.

      When starting off this process we have to keep in mind that not everyone in our congregation thinks like us. Some people leave just because a pastor leaves, and some stick around to make sure the new/remaining pastor does a good job, but some also stick around because it's all they know. It takes a lot of hard work to become a pastor (aka learning latin)...and that's why I'm not called to be one, but if I can doing something, it's make notes! (Also, I learned to type with 2 spaces following the period.  So I find it hard to remember if I've only left one or two spaces. It might get crazy!) We also have to keep in mind that this is not an overnight process. We can't just kick out the negative nancies when they've been with the church for such a long time. We can't just tell them what to think, when they've thought one way for so long...especially if they're really big donors to the church (right? I don't know...I recently watched an episode of The Fosters where the board of this private school had to expel a student who's parents were huge donors. So after they stopped getting everything handed to their child, they stopped donating, and programs were cut. Sometimes things happen...but they have to in order to keep our hearts still).

      Now, this workbook asks us to meditate and be silent...but the beautiful thing about how we're doing it is...it's in the nursery and the mamas get to bring their little ones, instilling the fact that the space we're creating is safe, all-age appropriate, and all-kinds accepting.  Then after meditation we talk about, NOT what are we going to do about these haters? NOT we should make signs and post them around the church and outside about how we love and accept everyone! Nothing like that, but about Grace.

      Grace to us is, a lot more than just Jesus dying for our sins on the cross - which no one said, by the way. (And I've got things to say about that word "sin" because it's as exciting as that word "tolerate"...actually, it's way more exciting than tolerate, but I cringe all the same.) My notes read: "Gentle. Kind. Nurturing. Lenient. Patient. Open-minded. Accepting. Motivation to act. The balance point to let something be or not. A process. Taking in all sides. Calm and non-argumentative. Peace."

      Next we reflected upon scripture, again my notes and further reflection:

•  From Luke 10:29-37, what stuck out the most was WHO ARE MY NEIGHBORS? To me, my neighbors are the strangers I've never met that live around me as well as the neighbors that I've known for years. The thing about neighbors is, they're not necessarily friends, they don't share their faith with me, and I might look like a witch to some of them just because I like to color my hair purple...or blue...or pink. And just like we don't get to choose our blood relative-family, we don't get to choose our neighbors. 
• John 4:4-26, NEVER WILL YOU THIRST AGAIN! Here I think about all of those pining for acceptance from those that think status in looks and wealth is what really matters. This also refers to those that look like "good christians" and believe they're "wealthy" in the holy spirit because of how they acknowledge others sins (yucky word!) because they think it's their duty. The woman at the well is confronted by Jesus, not forcing her to acknowledge her faults, but to make sure she knows that he respects her and considers her an equal. So when you make friends that live with that mantra, you'll never thirst for acceptance, because you know in your heart that they love you for who you are. NOT who you aren't.
• Matthew 22:35-40, LOVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS AS YOURSELF. It's easy to love those like me. It's easy to show love to those not like me too. It's just not so easy to love those that condemn those like me or others not like me. Those people are really not like me. This is a challenge, but I am going to work on it. So, maybe I'll refriend a pastor on facebook that let his mother put down another one of God's children, because he's a gay male who happens to be a spokesperson for Covergirl. Maybe. And then he'll read these posts...maybe. But, it doesn't mean he'll care.
• Matthew 26:51-52, LIVE BY FIGHTING/DIE BY FIGHTING. If you live your life one way and only one way, you'll die only to be known by that one defining factor. So, if you're always knocking down others because of what they believe in (whether you agree or not), they'll just see you as knocking everything, and say that oh so cute saying, "if I'm supposed to accept you, then shouldn't you accept me?" Which is really saying...oh, you want me to ignore the fact that you are an atheist while I pray and cry to God and my savior Jesus on the hour? Yeah, well...it turns out that's how you get the puzzle pieces to fit together, by doing what you're really supposed to do, and not by doing what you think you're supposed to do.
• Luke 23:34, FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO. Grace being forgiveness, y'all. Maybe when Jesus was crying out to God, he was also crying out to his followers that were in the crowd. The soldiers were following orders of someone who felt threatened by Jesus. Just like sidekicks to bullies do what they're told so that they don't become the bullied. Though goodness outnumbers the bad in this world, the fact is that the bad hurts and can blind us from the good, making it the underdog. When you instill a bully intolerant system, they get sent right back to the pin (because they're in a dog pin?).

Next we are called to recognize what being gracefully engaged really means. Though it's easy to get on Facebook and have a spiritual debate, to try and automatically force what you think is right onto other peoples conscience, to unfriend and unfollow or stop talking to people just because they voted for someone you didn't vote for, to leave your church because it hasn't decided to reconcile yet (because maybe no one knows that they have they power to download this handbook)...being gracefully engaged is really about being compassionate when it comes to living in your diverse community, making sure you try to value their difference in beliefs by listening more than speaking and doing something God is really good at: meeting us/them where we/they are. I mean, I assume God is really good at this since I haven't been struck down by a lightening bolt after all of the questioning and doubting I've done in my 26years and 9/12months.

Again, these are just my notes.

A closing prayer of sorts: Help us to take what we've discussed today into our week. Let us think in our quiet space and also share our thoughts with friends and family. Invite others into our community where none are turned away. -Let it be so.