Tag Awareness Day

      I tend to tag my posts, so today I will honor the largest tags:  Gardening and Camp Chrysalis.  We're ignoring the fact that I probably mentioned my break up about as much as I mentioned camp because it's now about pressing onward!  "Pressin' on!  My distress is going, going, gone!  Pressin' on, pressin' on....to go back to where I was would just be wrong!!! I'm pressin' on."Relient K (click here for YouTube video)

      Right now it is raining outside so our garden is getting watered for FREE! Some say that nothing is truly for free...but the weather is, right?!  A Doe came around and ate up our cantaloupe and cucumbers down to the root and chomped down the leaves to the squash and zucchini.  She also managed to trim up the tomatoes a bit, the pieces that were sticking out of the cage.  Needless to say, we plan on finding a way to put a fence around it all...though right now my dad fashioned some temporary ones.  I wonder if we'll replant some things... if it's not too late. 
      Why aren't our roses blooming anymore?!  They did so well for so long and after their last pruning they pooped out on us.  Our hibiscus are blooming now in their place though.  We need to plant more fragrant flowers so that the bees and butterflies hang out at our place!  Slackers.

       Staff training for camp has begun.  I think it rained around this same time last year too.  The owner of Beeswax Co. asked me if I was working this summer at camp...so I'm thinking he doesn't realize that if I worked at camp I wouldn't work for them.  Peace out, I'll be at camp!  Just kidding...  I am going to Ebert Ranch Camp with the middle school youth as a sponsor.  That's exciting because I've been to Ebert except I didn't get to live the camp life there, it was just for staff training.  I'll get my own horse!!!  Woohoo!
     There are a handful of returning staff so I hope to go up there one of these weekends to visit my favorites!  There have also been quite a few changes made to how the camp is run and also aesthetics.  I want to know everything!!!

      On this Memorial Day Holiday I have thrown some pots including a medium planter for my friend Marta's graduation present.  I  also made a wobbly and a not wobbly ring holder.  Meow meow meow. 

...my brain is ever changing...

If you see me with my head in the tub, I'm washing my hair not throwing up.

I don't know how great this picture is, but it was a last millisecond shot after (s)he jumped off of my hand.  I could swear it was paying me back kindly for saving it from the rain barrel by letting me take a picture of it (that picture isn't shown). 

 

My cucumbers are growing like crazy.  I haven't looked for actual cucumbers, which I probably should soon, but the plants are all stretched out making those other plants say, "Hey!  You're in my bubble!"  I doubt they really say that though.  I planted a cucumber, a dill plant, and some Zinnia's in a little corner of the onion patch and I'm beginning to think that was a mistake.  The Zinnia's get some nice shade though, haha!  Other than that, damn it's hot!  Just when I was enjoying gardening it had to get all sunny and smoldering.  Spiders are everywhere, I found a scorpion all up in my face (not really), I am still being attacked by ants, rolly pollies go to GP's to die, and mosquito's are a bitch.  Just sayin'.

 

Can I tell y'all a secret?  Probably not, but I'm going to anyways.  Maybe I've already said this before...but I'm not one who enjoys paying for parking.  The best way to get out of paying for parking, or at least paying for the whole 5 hours or whatever, is to flash all the cash and change at them that you "have".  I say "have" because this is a scam.  That's right, a scam.  This is how it works:  You know you're going into a parking garage, so before you leave to pay move all your big spankin' bills outta sight (for me this is easy because I hardly ever carry cash, therefore that's another good way to get out of paying for parking - flash a credit card) and if you know how much it's gonna cost, either man up and pay it all or Emily-it-up and pull out $1.29 for a $2-3 fee and have it in a spot that makes it look like you're digging around for all you got.  This is terrible...I understand.  But, come on!  I have a legit excuse that my Granny is in the hospital and I just got back from visiting her.  This isn't like my only male coworker that was given a ticket for speeding after using the excuse that his grandma was in the hospital, because I guarantee that the officer heard that fifty times that very day. 

 

If you must know, my cousin, Claire, said what I used for the title.  It was such an amazing thing that I've been waiting since March 19th to use it.  Impressive, I know. 

Wow and Yum

Here is a lovely photo of the Nasturtium I had talked about planting a while back.  I was surprised to see this beautiful bloom pop up on it!  Perhaps I had low hopes that they wouldn't bloom, but I see plenty of buds waiting to blossom!  The Zinnia's are still looking lame, but the ones out in the garden are growing a lot faster than the ones in mostly shade.  That explains a lot I'm sure.  Baby nephew Caleb helped me water the sprouts today!  He was quite heavy having to carry back and forth along with the watering can.  Is it still a can if it's plastic?

 Here's a bright and colorful shot of it's face straight on.  Soooo lovely!  My aunt had the same experience as me, that they do terribly in pots, but when planted in the ground they grow very well.  Just a little tip to share!  I should probably water them soon. 

Mmmmm, handmade from scratch!  Cinnamon rolls with a cream cheese frosting.  I haven't bitten into them yet, but I just might sacrifice dinner for the whole batch!  Who says you can't have dessert and then the main course?  It's just a super sweet appetizer, right?  Mr. Caleb is getting squirmy and digging his sweet little fingernails into my arm over the interest in my water...so I shall give him another interest now.  What?  Babies don't enjoy blogging as much as I do?  Lame.

I think I put a lot of weight on my hair.

What I mean by the title is, that I count on my hair to make me look good.  I don't wear that much make up and I haven't been wearing much jewelry lately either.  If my hair isn't looking good that day then I am constantly fussing with it.  I just don't feel confident without my hair lookin' good, is all.  Having said this, below are my before and after pictures from dying my hair. 

 Above is after a few months of fade after using Garnier's light brown.  Right after I rinse it out it looks super dark brown.  Weird right?  I don't think I would recommend that product since it comes out so dark and seems to fade out relatively quickly.  Below is the picture of the box.  So my hair probably only matched that color for a week or so.  Another con is that the smell is very piercing to the eyes and nose!  Ouch!

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Above is the color I just used on my hair last night.  It felt like pins and needles all over my scalp when I had it on and the smell was also quite piercing to the eyes and nose.  Mas ventilation needed!  I guess we'll see how long this lasts.  I just know I like how I look with brown hair because it matches my eyebrows!   Below is the final product.  I have many coupons for different brands of dye so perhaps I'll stock up and have something to say about each one!

Now, it is raining.  I just came in from watering my zinnia sprouts.  Go figure.  Oh well, it's not like I waisted the water since it was from our rain barrels.  I hope to design a rain barrel system that takes any roof runoff and puts it into one closed off barrel (so no mosquitoes can procreate) and it then can be transferred onto a hose, spigot, or sprinkler system.  I hear that if you have a well you can use grey water for a sprinkler system, but we do not have a well.  I wish I could just figure out how to water the grass just using the water that comes from the shower and bathroom sink.  We could use all green products and it would be safe for our lawn and other plants. 

 

At noon I had another dentist appointment to get a filling done on my bottom left side.  However, I mentioned that the ones they did last visit were bothering me so he chose to redo one instead.  Needless to say, I will be returning Wednesday.  Luckily it is very easy to get an appointment scheduled.  I just hope he knows what he's doing.  Haha!  Oh geez, my confidence in others fails me sometimes.  Today my confidence in my ability to go numb was way low when they ended up shooting my gum up with numbing stuff 3 times just for it to almost take it away completely.  I just decided to suck it up since it wasn't all that painful after a smidgen of time waiting for it to kick in and as he was going along it finally all went away.  Long story long, eh?  So I sit her with a very numb right-side-of-my-face tongue and lower jaw. 

And here is how Mr. Cucumber is doing lately.

A little this, a little that.

I came up with a few more ideas on Earth-wise actions:

-Keep a bowl in your kitchen sink and in your shower to catch some water as you work.  You can then toss it outside onto your plants or grass for a greener green.  My cousins were doing this at their house the last time we visited.  So clever!

-Don't shower at all!  Just wash your hair in the sink and when your skin starts to stink, then take a shower!  My hair looks better dirty anyways!  But I work with dogs so sometimes my skin smells like slobber a little too long.  What's the point if I'm just gonna go back the next evening and stink it up again?

What is making me feel good these days is thinking about camp!  I'm going to be Arts and Crafts hero at Camp Chrysalis in Kerrville, Texas this summer and I'm sooooo pumped!  It's a pretty stressful job (believe it or not) and I think that's why it took me so long to go back since 2009.  My goals for camp are simple:

-Put myself out there!  Last time, I had friends but, when it came to the weekends I didn't have many options.  It got better as it went along, but I think I could be someone who initiates some plans!

-Fall in love!  With myself AND with everyone around me!  Sure, it would be wonderful to find "the love of my life" at camp, but under the circumstances (do I really even know what I'm trying to say?   No)...that's probably not going to happen.  So I better stop thinking about it.  Psh!  Fat chance!  Don't think about a brown bear!  Ahahaha!  See, it doesn't work. 

-Make the most out of every moment!  That's what's so awesome about kids.  They each have their qwerks so each interaction is different.  I think I'm more wise and in some cases more witty when responding and reacting to people these days.  Perhaps it's a good thing I waited. 

 

 

Look how well my cucumbers are doing!  The squash we planted already have baby squash showing, so I hope these guys start blooming soon!  Now I'm getting sad that I'll have to leave the garden when I leave for camp.  I'm already sad about leaving my cat! 

 

Some days I wish I had a box of crayola markers!  I think I got rid of them thinking I was too mature for them.  Stupid. 

 

I thought I had more on my mind but I guess I just don't know how to get it out right now. 

Sometimes it's just too loud.

 

My mom loves to watch TV when she gets home from work.  It starts with Dr. Phil and ends with Chicago Fire, though I guess it depends on what day it is.  Don't get me wrong, I love my chick flick shows and I do enjoy catching the better shows with my mom...but sometimes I just want quiet.  I turn the TV off in the kitchen so there's less commotion, but then when she walks into the kitchen she turns it back on so she doesn't miss a second.  Do we depend too much on the lives we watch on-screen?  Moving away to college was probably the best thing that helped me sever the ties I had to that world.  If I miss a show or two now I don't worry about it.  Now...some shows I worship like New Girl and The Mindy Project...and Glee to some extent, but come on- that's like pieces of me split up into 3 different shows!  I gotta watch them right?!  So, I primetime on demand that amazing trio.  I watch them mostly when I'm home alone because I feel judged as a lazy boomba when I sit around for hours catching up on the latest episodes.  The point of this is just to vent out how noisy it was yesterday evening.  My head was boggled after finally getting a response, however forced, from "Todd".  It's just ridiculous how my hate fuels my life right now.  I wish I could either forget him or have something more important to cover him up.  I need to show everyone, including myself, that I am strong.  I can't let my emotions get the best of me.  I say the wrong and most demeaning things sometimes just to make my point...but that point is basically pointless when that person could obviously care less about me in the first place.  Who knew three and a half years of "loving" someone could turn me into someone that's treated less than a stranger.  I feel like I'm being treated as an unfaithful person, as if I cheated on him.  What makes me feel good through all of this are those little things that help me to calm down and forget about the way he makes me feel.  Sometimes diving into the crazy lives of someone else on the TV screen is just what I need to unwind.  That doesn't mean that those negative feelings stay gone for good though.  Baby steps.  I wish I was a bigger baby, that way my steps would make a bigger impact.

 

Pictured is how my cucumbers are coming along.  I figured that since I posted a picture of those instead of the Nasturtium that I better update you on their progress.  I can't wait to see them start making cucumbers!  It's like a child's accomplishments in a way.  What?!  I don't know, I just thought about how happy I was to see the cucumbers sprout from the ground and then they grew out their leaves.  Now they've got even more leaves and they're different shapes.  I sure do hope they're yummy!  

They were cucumbers...

THESE are the Nasturtium... THOSE were the cucumbers!  I did manage to dig them up from the front flowerbed and replace them with the actual flower (while, of course, unleashing ANT DOOM) but pops said I could keep the other ones in the garden where they were.  The ones in the flower bed were at like 5 to a spot so when I dug them up I decided to put them into their own little pots to grow and maybe I can sell them or give them away to friends or neighbors!

When it froze we thought our squash plants died so pops asked me to replant some seeds.  However, now there are tons of squash plants poking out of the ground (my guess is because it only got the leaves but not the root).  My idea is to thin them out and, instead of tossing them, potting them to also hand out.

I replanted some of the basil sprouts and wonder what the heck I'm to do with the rest of them.  I, for whatever reason, hate the idea of just letting them die.  I put four or five in a window box, one to replace the one that must have died from the freeze or something, and 6 in those little compartment things that you buy flowers in at the store.  I would like to be able to sell/give those as well. 

Maybe we could post a sign on our mail box that invites our neighbors to come check out our inventory.  What can I say?  I strive to be a business woman!

I do hope my flowers bloom.  I got the seeds a year ago or so and they never bloomed, they just got spider mites (and they were on our concrete porch on the second story!), so sad!  Pops knows the cure, I'm sure, if that happens again. 

Cutting Bait: A Lesson On Forgiveness

 

 

Nasturtium.  That's the flower (unless these end up actually being the cucumbers I planted!!!) I planted around the garden and in the front flowerbed.  Hmmm... that kind of throws a loop in things if that ends up being the case huh?  That leaf looks nothing like the leaf on the picture.  What's a little cucumber EVERYWHERE?!!!

 

I love garden work nevertheless.  I woke up, had a bit for breakfast, then went on my 15 minute run ending with a walk back to the house, and then I decided to plant some of the things that I had started from seeds.  I mean, I probably should have labeled everything but that really screws with any possibility for an element of surprise RIGHT?

 

Never have I seen mustard grow (though now I am seeing it grow at the front of my church in small planters placed on the steps in front of the alter) so I thought I would watch my faith grow along with other plants, ones that will live based on how I tend to them, not how someone at the church tends to them.  Wish me luck that the right plant grows and that they don't die on my account!

 

Gardening makes me feel good, but what I've found to be really amazing is that this idea of forgiveness has got me feeling better and better each day.  I do still revert at times and say things like, "I'm still mad." and "I wish I knew why he is treating me like this." etc. but that's not forgiveness, now is it?  Forgiveness, it turns out, is the hardest yet easiest thing to do.

 

Forgiveness is hard because the human in us wants to be angry and wants to hold a grudge.  We tend to want revenge is these situations and we wish we had ways to connect with these people that turn us upside down to find answers and to find closure for ourselves.  We think, if I can just get this from them then I can forgive them.  However, forgiveness is easy because all we need are the words "I forgive you," heart and determination.  We don't need answers, though we think we do. 

 

In my situation I asked for something, I couldn't get what I wanted, then I exploded and people started calling me crazy.  I turned against myself, in a way, because I wanted to just be mature and end things grudge free but as soon as I heard that I couldn't get what I thought I needed I couldn't control myself.  He had told me to just write him a letter so I started (it was full of negative feelings) so then I re-started (and that one was full of positive feelings) but now I'm second guessing myself and thinking maybe all that letter needs to be is those three words. 

 

After those three words are put down on paper and sent off to juggle around the post-office, he might ask WHY? and he might say nothing.  He might be expecting something more but he also might forget about it even coming.  Some might think that I expect the same words in return, but I don't because I've honestly learned to expect the worst from him as negative as that is.

 

So what is this title "Cutting Bait"?  My aunt used it in an email she sent to me so I decided I'd give it a go.  I'm going to sever the ties that bind us so that I can forgive and be grudge free and MOVE THE HECK ON.  I don't want to think of him in a negative light, but I still need to remember why we aren't meant to be.  Forgiveness wont happen in one day, but it will complete itself a little at a time.  I look forward to the days I can completely focus on what's ahead of me instead of behind me!

 

Below is a song that is played on the Christian radio station.  It speaks truth AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.  Below the link are the words.  (Sometimes when jammin' along in the car, these songs make me cry...)

 

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

CLICK HERE to listen to another song that I hope to live by. 

Gardening for the win!

 

 

Our Garden

I've just been outside shoveling dirt that was in a rectangular flowerbed underneath an oak tree into an oval shape (you can see it where that poll is standing to the right) out from under the tree because my dad doesn't want anything in the footprint of the trees...not exactly sure why but maybe because it's better to have full sun when it's starting to get colder.  It is fall ya know!  ...though it doesn't necessarily feel like it!!!

I also was watering trees and other plants like our fig tree!  Yes!  It started to ripen again, silly thing.  I don't want to rack up the water bill so there is a timer on it and I set it to the standard 10 minutes just by pressing a single button.  So simple!  I may not be a lot but at least it's something. 

Whilst watering effortlessly I pulled out the sheers and hacked away at the bushes you see between the cactus and the pole.  It looks way better having defined shapes amongst that veil of green everywhere. 

My dad is trying to figure out how to edge each circular section we create.  Those edgers you see at the bottom of the photo fall over a lot so he wants something that's thick yet light.  I've been trying to figure out how we could make our own concrete molds that would turn out like he wants.  My first thought was making molds out of wood of course, but then I thought if we could find old window boxes we could recycle them by using them as the molds themselves.  Some other neat ideas I found were cinder blocks with small plants growing in the holes, but my dad said, "Well, there wont be plants growing in them all the time and it'll just be more to water."  Guess he's not down for that idea.  Then I saw one where you recycle glass wine and beer bottles by burying them upside down so that 4 or 5 inches of their bottoms stick up and their different colors makes it so beautiful.  It would take a lot of bottles so my dad said that I should just do that in the front flowerbed somewhere...and he also said it helps to have pretty flowers growing right next to them (like in the picture).  I guess I'll be taking my ideas to the flowerbed and stick to pruning the garden.

Anyways, working in the garden makes me feel good!  I hope pops takes more of my ideas.  He already is down for raised circular beds, let's see what other things I'll win!  Haha!