Knowing, Understanding, Accepting

 

Knowing, understanding, and accepting all make me feel good.  I have been very in and out of depression since the break up of a 3 1/2 year relationship.  I am beginning to understand why a person even in an abusive relationship (which mine was not) would just keep going back...it's all you know!  I moved my bed to the center of my room, sort of, and I was at a point where I just wish everything was back to the way it was just so that I could feel "comfortable".  However, being in an unhealthy relationship wasn't comfortable.

Knowing your partner's and your own personal faults...
Understanding why you two do not work well together...
Accepting all of the above and the fact that if one person is willing to do the work and the other is not, things are just going to stay the same.

Knowing the relationship is over...
Understanding that you will get through this and you'll be okay...
Accepting that you need this pain in your life or else you would have been stuck in a rut of life.

I want to believe that you should exhaust all outlets of help before getting a divorce...but what about in a good ol' boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?  How is that any different?  I wanted to try one more time, but the fact that he never really tried even the second go around meant we were probably going to be in an ongoing problem. This one person did not want to fix any problems he just walked away from them and quit.  It's sad and it makes me mad.  Alas, it's done and I'm finally OK with it.

Who knows...I might be in a cycle of depression still, but I hope it's done.  I hate the anxiety it gave me and I hated how much I cried.  It wasn't healthy for me and though they were very supportive of me, my parents were getting tired of me talking and sobbing (I'm sure).

I believe everyone should journal!  That's where I find myself to be the truest to myself.  I saw our relationship failing since the beginning of the year, and though I was willing to give him another chance (though he was not willing the same for me) my journal definitely called it before I allowed myself to.  Here's one for the journal, huzzah!

Life is about taking and giving chances, you just need to be strong enough to mean what you say and work for what you believe in then everything will be worth it!  If you're strong and those around you are weak...LIFT THEM UP!

Drinking makes me feel good? Uh oh!

I lerv these spiders...they're my faves.

I wonder if people in other countries say things like Er Mer Gerd! (oh my god)?  Ya know, like take their words and make crazy funny slang with it.  Next time I go over seas I'm gonna just use all slang and be like...what? you don't know what I'm saying?!  Get outta here crazy monkey slayer.

But seriously, I have a marg like every now and then instead of just...once in a long while.  I admit that I drink them when I'm feeling down...so the sugar and the booz can bring me back up.  My friend told me to try the vitamin B6 so my mom has some that are probably expired but I'm trying them.  Next paycheck from now...14 days blech! I'll be purchasing some up to date ones.

When abbreviations started becoming cool like OMG and LMAO, etc.  I couldn't believe how easy it was to just figure out what they meant by guessing.  It must have been the young blood running through me...however later a friend texted me ILY and I was like...you forgot the EM...but I do believe I caught it eventually and hopefully before I sent my dumb reply.  I LOVE YOU...should never be shortened anyways.

Drunk Bloggin'.  I'm not drunk yet...and I probably wont be after this 6oz margaheatarita.  I'm probably just insane to begin with so just thinking about drinking things that change something in me makes me prematurely cray.

"You be straight cray righ nah"  ..................that's what I'll say to them french people.................and they'll be like: Escoosemwah?  I took Spanish.

But I would never smash one of those spiders.  If it's big and scary SMOOSH if it's medium and scary SMOOSH if it's little and in my room SMOOSH.  Mosquito's.  If they're suckin' my blood SMOOSH if they're buzzin round my ear SMOOSH if they're buzzin around the room and I see them SMOOSH.  Birds.  If they're playing infront of my car SMOOSH.... NO SERIOUSLY! That happened and I was like AHHHHHH WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!  Poor dear.  Dears.  If they're in front of my car when I'm going 60 SMOOSH.  My Car in that scenario SMOOSH. 

I'm going to go crazy.  Just a warning.  I can't handle this...well...I can...I just can't handle the times I can't handle it.  Yeh Geht Iht?  So this is what happened...he gets a job pretty soon after graduation and he's looking at apartments and I'm saying that one would be nice because we could use the extra rooms for our offices and he never once says anything against me saying those things so I'm like sweet he's in.  What happens like 5 hours later?  He dumps me!  I just don't see myself marrying you.  What a dihque.  What a lie.  I'm bitter and I'm not gonna hide it.  3 years of bulllllllll. It was bull because I kept him around for 2 years extra than I should've anyways.  It would've been much easier to find another man in College...now it's too late and I have to just run into people.  What a joke.  I don't have the patience for this...and it depresses me.  Hence the fact that I'm going to go crazy.

Drunk blog over.