Plug up your paranoia you wuss.

I just need to keep repeating that to myself.  PLUG UP YOUR PARANOIA YOU WUSS!  Life obviously throws all kinds of things our way.  Blindfold yourself and eat a mixed assortment of jellybeans.  Jelly bellies still come with a flavor key just like that box of chocolates, but sometimes key lime is popcorn.  (Probably not really). 

People. Control. Self.

I finally, almost, have control of my emotions. 
There's loneliness, but no desperation. Not a sad lonely though, just an accepted one. 

I almost know what I want from life, but I'm sure loads of people are in that state.  I'm sure it changes as we grow older each day with new information.  If only we had everything at the tips of our fingers would we be the happiest being on earth.  Because being a human comes with baggage, also known as biology, the things that make us the happiest could make someone else the saddest.  There could never be world peace, could there?  Joykillemily.com - I could buy that domain.

I feel real.  Or maybe surreal.  It fluctuates.  Right now I feel most aware of my being. 
What if one day you saw someone who looked just like you walk by.  Would it even click that it was you?  I see pictures of me all over the house but I'm just a person while everyone else is brother, mom, dad, Heather, Caleb, Rachel, Kim, Jill, etc.

If I'm honest with myself I would say that I don't see myself with anyone but myself and my friends and family.  As soon as I think about my future I get mad that I have to wait for the funds to get to it.  Why can't I just pick it all up and go somewhere else?  It's not like the movies...but what if it was and I just never find out because I don't have the balls to get up and go. 

I need more sun.

Yummmm

I made the most yummiest thing yesterday out of a left over tortilla from my lunch.

Soft Tortilla
Cream Cheese spread all over
Cinnamon and Sugar Sprinkled semi heavily over it all
Roll it up and smack your gums

Right now I'm enjoying that same combination on toast.  It's dangerous.

I made a peanut butter pie!!! I've been wanting to do so for so long.  I made chocolate whipped topping for it but it didn't whip like the picture looked.  Maybe it hardened up a little on the top so it wont be so had to cut out.  Plus I only had a round cake dish instead of a pie dish.  We used to have a pie dish...*sad face
click here to experience yumz (it's the recipe for the pie).

Yummy food makes me feel good, until I step on the scale of course.

Beach Baby(ies)

 

This September my family and I went to the beach.  It was pretty decent weather, not too hot and hardly a chill in the air.  The water was nice and cool but warmed up a smidgen in the afternoon.  We were at Port Aransas staying at Sea Sands, a place my mom is obviously obsessed with because they stayed their for their honey moon back in the day. 

This year we spent way more time in the water than last year.  I was glad because my favorite parts are:  Body Surfing the waves, sinking my feet in the sand right where the water's edge hit and recedes, and building dinky castles of sand!  On our last morning I woke up and went to the beach to just sit and think.  I don't remember if I actually thought of anything.  Hmmm.

My nephew Caleb, on day one of introducing him to the beach, seemed like he was going to love it alright, but then the next time and the next after that he seemed to be getting more sour over it.  We tried the pool for a calmer scene, but that didn't really seem to fly either.  We realize that it could've been him teething, but maybe he also just hates water.  Rude. 

He is a Scorpio, "Still Waters Run Deep."  (a link to a description)

I guess the pool wasn't still enough, or he was just tired.  I sure as heck was when I got home Sunday.  Nap time!!!

I'm re-writing it, so deal with it!

Seriously though, I've started to re-write this book I'm reading.  Weird?  Maybe.  Brilliant?  Duh.

I wont throw the book under the bus, COUGH COUGH beautiful creatures COUGH COUGH, but it's terribly written (and this is coming from someone who loved Twilight while she loved it and her best friend said that was terribly written THIS MUST BE 10x WORSE!) and I think I can get all of the important stuff written down in a better way.  No more "product placement" which may have been how they were able to write the book and afford it, but seriously it's annoying.  I don't want to read about a Wal-Mart when I'm trying to read about Witches.  If they're paying you to be put in the book don't fit them in just put them in the back of the book with coupons...everyone named Emily loves a coupon. 

I've already finished the intro!  I'll probably go through that blurb site and print the book out when/if I finish. 

There are no raunchy scenes, so we'll add some JUST KIDDING THIS ISN'T TWILIGHT.  But what do I know, they have an electrical current run through them when they touch (which wasn't in the movie, and I'm okay with that because speaking of Twilight, that's totally a copy cat moment.  No ma'ams) so maybe something will happen in the next 3 books.  There's hope right?  If there are three more books in the series, one could hope that we get that "Old Man Ravenwood" is not loved by his fellow Gatlin homies and the bitches at the school created a league against his neice.  All of that is stupid too.  "Old Man Ravenwood" is probably used 1,000 times and when you think it's over 3/4 into the book they use it again.  No body says that crap...unless you're from South Carolina?  OH!  You can totally get the message across very simply that the town is small and close-minded okay? You don't need to bring up different reasons in the intro and then in the whole first chapter every other sentence.  "That's how small Gatlin is...blah blah blah"  "That's how small it is seriously" "That's when you know you're gonna be sucked into the vortex of small ness"  (none of these are actual quotes, I'm just a genius in making shit up).  Ha     Ha.

With my already hectic schedule, I'm going to attempt to conquer this.

This is not all she wrote, because it's a small town and the librarian makes an appearance when it's not needed.  No wonder the movie change so much stuff...GOOD RIDDANCE!