People. Control. Self.

I finally, almost, have control of my emotions. 
There's loneliness, but no desperation. Not a sad lonely though, just an accepted one. 

I almost know what I want from life, but I'm sure loads of people are in that state.  I'm sure it changes as we grow older each day with new information.  If only we had everything at the tips of our fingers would we be the happiest being on earth.  Because being a human comes with baggage, also known as biology, the things that make us the happiest could make someone else the saddest.  There could never be world peace, could there?  Joykillemily.com - I could buy that domain.

I feel real.  Or maybe surreal.  It fluctuates.  Right now I feel most aware of my being. 
What if one day you saw someone who looked just like you walk by.  Would it even click that it was you?  I see pictures of me all over the house but I'm just a person while everyone else is brother, mom, dad, Heather, Caleb, Rachel, Kim, Jill, etc.

If I'm honest with myself I would say that I don't see myself with anyone but myself and my friends and family.  As soon as I think about my future I get mad that I have to wait for the funds to get to it.  Why can't I just pick it all up and go somewhere else?  It's not like the movies...but what if it was and I just never find out because I don't have the balls to get up and go. 

I need more sun.