Sometimes it's just too loud.

 

My mom loves to watch TV when she gets home from work.  It starts with Dr. Phil and ends with Chicago Fire, though I guess it depends on what day it is.  Don't get me wrong, I love my chick flick shows and I do enjoy catching the better shows with my mom...but sometimes I just want quiet.  I turn the TV off in the kitchen so there's less commotion, but then when she walks into the kitchen she turns it back on so she doesn't miss a second.  Do we depend too much on the lives we watch on-screen?  Moving away to college was probably the best thing that helped me sever the ties I had to that world.  If I miss a show or two now I don't worry about it.  Now...some shows I worship like New Girl and The Mindy Project...and Glee to some extent, but come on- that's like pieces of me split up into 3 different shows!  I gotta watch them right?!  So, I primetime on demand that amazing trio.  I watch them mostly when I'm home alone because I feel judged as a lazy boomba when I sit around for hours catching up on the latest episodes.  The point of this is just to vent out how noisy it was yesterday evening.  My head was boggled after finally getting a response, however forced, from "Todd".  It's just ridiculous how my hate fuels my life right now.  I wish I could either forget him or have something more important to cover him up.  I need to show everyone, including myself, that I am strong.  I can't let my emotions get the best of me.  I say the wrong and most demeaning things sometimes just to make my point...but that point is basically pointless when that person could obviously care less about me in the first place.  Who knew three and a half years of "loving" someone could turn me into someone that's treated less than a stranger.  I feel like I'm being treated as an unfaithful person, as if I cheated on him.  What makes me feel good through all of this are those little things that help me to calm down and forget about the way he makes me feel.  Sometimes diving into the crazy lives of someone else on the TV screen is just what I need to unwind.  That doesn't mean that those negative feelings stay gone for good though.  Baby steps.  I wish I was a bigger baby, that way my steps would make a bigger impact.

 

Pictured is how my cucumbers are coming along.  I figured that since I posted a picture of those instead of the Nasturtium that I better update you on their progress.  I can't wait to see them start making cucumbers!  It's like a child's accomplishments in a way.  What?!  I don't know, I just thought about how happy I was to see the cucumbers sprout from the ground and then they grew out their leaves.  Now they've got even more leaves and they're different shapes.  I sure do hope they're yummy!