A Birthday Blogday

      Yesterday was my birthday!  However I basically celebrated for three days in a row just because eating equals celebrating.  Saturday evening I invited some people over for Cocktails & Cake and though I was expecting to get drunk...what?  I ate too much food for that to happen.  It was a wonderful evening of talking and laughing and all my different groups of friends coming together to have a wonderful time!  Sooooo great!
      Then Sunday I went to church and afterwards we went over to Rachel's house because she was visiting from New York and wanted to have a lunch!  So I brought my leftover desserts and they were sucked down and along with the food we got to listen to some of her friends and our dads play some music which later Mixed Blessings attempted to one-up them.  Haha!  It was also great!
      Monday (my actual birthday) I went out by myself!  I saw Silver Linings Playbook (and it was awesome), and then I hit up Hobby Lobby for some art supplies.  Next I dropped some checks off at the bank FINALLY!  I had a $10 coupon for World Market so I had to go there of course!  Lastly since craving the idea of Kirby Lane Cafe I went there for lunch luckily running into Hector whom I met at High School so long ago.  Some people are worth saying hello to!  Haha!  Ya know, sometimes you're like, "I know that person." but that's where it's left?  I try not to do that. I "punched" him on the shoulder as I left and was like: That's probably the first time I've ever touched him.  Hahaha! I'm a dork.
      Monday evening my mom got Hot Dogs and Hamburgers for dinner (though I only requested hot dogs and corn salad...and donuts of course) so I once again stuffed myself! Now it's time to make THANK YOU NOTES!!!
      Celebrating anything makes me feel good!

Pre Cocktails and Cake

 

Jell-o shots anyone?!  No?  That's ok, more for me then.

Is that a good idea?!  Eh.

 

For my Cocktails and Cake "birthday" party I decided to go all out.  Go all out in the sense that I didn't go all out for my "Sweet 16" or for my 21st.  Really "go all out" means..."get drunk."  But I guess not many 16-year-olds were getting drunk.  Ya never know

 

THE MENU

 

*jell-o shots*

*pineapple-run-tea punch*

*berry bubbly punch*

*mango strawberry daiquiri*

*hawaiian party punch*

 

*rainbow cupcakes*

*mint chocolate poke cake*

*almond carrot cake*

 

Did you think I was joking about the cocktails and cake?  It's literally a ton of mixed drinks and cake!  Your mind is blown, and mine is still intact.  Therefore, you wont be coming to my party so there will be more cake for me.

 

Salt?!  You think we need something salty?!

 

We might.

 

But who doesn't like to be swaishty faced and hyper?ghffhgfgvhkmhbgdfd (That was the cat, helping me type.) I've been very hyper lately...so maybe I should fast on sugar before tomorrow AS I DRINK GREEN TEA WITH A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR!

 

She's a light-weight to sugar!

 

Bahaha!  Get it?  Well, I do.  I had eaten well for a whole week/I didn't have an appetite for a whole week, so when my appetite came back I was like, "Give me yum-yums!"  So along with my appetite came my personality?  (If hyperness is a personality)  It's not like I'm ashamed of my hyperness...I live it up with NO SHAME!

 

Be there/Be square y'all.

Knowing, Understanding, Accepting

 

Knowing, understanding, and accepting all make me feel good.  I have been very in and out of depression since the break up of a 3 1/2 year relationship.  I am beginning to understand why a person even in an abusive relationship (which mine was not) would just keep going back...it's all you know!  I moved my bed to the center of my room, sort of, and I was at a point where I just wish everything was back to the way it was just so that I could feel "comfortable".  However, being in an unhealthy relationship wasn't comfortable.

Knowing your partner's and your own personal faults...
Understanding why you two do not work well together...
Accepting all of the above and the fact that if one person is willing to do the work and the other is not, things are just going to stay the same.

Knowing the relationship is over...
Understanding that you will get through this and you'll be okay...
Accepting that you need this pain in your life or else you would have been stuck in a rut of life.

I want to believe that you should exhaust all outlets of help before getting a divorce...but what about in a good ol' boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?  How is that any different?  I wanted to try one more time, but the fact that he never really tried even the second go around meant we were probably going to be in an ongoing problem. This one person did not want to fix any problems he just walked away from them and quit.  It's sad and it makes me mad.  Alas, it's done and I'm finally OK with it.

Who knows...I might be in a cycle of depression still, but I hope it's done.  I hate the anxiety it gave me and I hated how much I cried.  It wasn't healthy for me and though they were very supportive of me, my parents were getting tired of me talking and sobbing (I'm sure).

I believe everyone should journal!  That's where I find myself to be the truest to myself.  I saw our relationship failing since the beginning of the year, and though I was willing to give him another chance (though he was not willing the same for me) my journal definitely called it before I allowed myself to.  Here's one for the journal, huzzah!

Life is about taking and giving chances, you just need to be strong enough to mean what you say and work for what you believe in then everything will be worth it!  If you're strong and those around you are weak...LIFT THEM UP!

Drinking makes me feel good? Uh oh!

I lerv these spiders...they're my faves.

I wonder if people in other countries say things like Er Mer Gerd! (oh my god)?  Ya know, like take their words and make crazy funny slang with it.  Next time I go over seas I'm gonna just use all slang and be like...what? you don't know what I'm saying?!  Get outta here crazy monkey slayer.

But seriously, I have a marg like every now and then instead of just...once in a long while.  I admit that I drink them when I'm feeling down...so the sugar and the booz can bring me back up.  My friend told me to try the vitamin B6 so my mom has some that are probably expired but I'm trying them.  Next paycheck from now...14 days blech! I'll be purchasing some up to date ones.

When abbreviations started becoming cool like OMG and LMAO, etc.  I couldn't believe how easy it was to just figure out what they meant by guessing.  It must have been the young blood running through me...however later a friend texted me ILY and I was like...you forgot the EM...but I do believe I caught it eventually and hopefully before I sent my dumb reply.  I LOVE YOU...should never be shortened anyways.

Drunk Bloggin'.  I'm not drunk yet...and I probably wont be after this 6oz margaheatarita.  I'm probably just insane to begin with so just thinking about drinking things that change something in me makes me prematurely cray.

"You be straight cray righ nah"  ..................that's what I'll say to them french people.................and they'll be like: Escoosemwah?  I took Spanish.

But I would never smash one of those spiders.  If it's big and scary SMOOSH if it's medium and scary SMOOSH if it's little and in my room SMOOSH.  Mosquito's.  If they're suckin' my blood SMOOSH if they're buzzin round my ear SMOOSH if they're buzzin around the room and I see them SMOOSH.  Birds.  If they're playing infront of my car SMOOSH.... NO SERIOUSLY! That happened and I was like AHHHHHH WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!  Poor dear.  Dears.  If they're in front of my car when I'm going 60 SMOOSH.  My Car in that scenario SMOOSH. 

I'm going to go crazy.  Just a warning.  I can't handle this...well...I can...I just can't handle the times I can't handle it.  Yeh Geht Iht?  So this is what happened...he gets a job pretty soon after graduation and he's looking at apartments and I'm saying that one would be nice because we could use the extra rooms for our offices and he never once says anything against me saying those things so I'm like sweet he's in.  What happens like 5 hours later?  He dumps me!  I just don't see myself marrying you.  What a dihque.  What a lie.  I'm bitter and I'm not gonna hide it.  3 years of bulllllllll. It was bull because I kept him around for 2 years extra than I should've anyways.  It would've been much easier to find another man in College...now it's too late and I have to just run into people.  What a joke.  I don't have the patience for this...and it depresses me.  Hence the fact that I'm going to go crazy.

Drunk blog over.

Through this hard time, this is what makes me feel good:

• Knowing that this break up is for the best...that makes me feel good!
• Having friends to talk to about every feeling I'm going through certainly feels good.
• Not feeling judged for falling back 10 steps because I think that one more letter will fix everything and we can love each other again, but then the next day I'm back to knowing it will never work...THAT'S A GREAT FEELING!
• Knowing who I can be for someone else makes me feel wonderful...but also impatient.
• All of those letters I wrote to him after the break up trying to "win" him back can be the base for a relationship with someone who's truly worth the apologies and promises.

Though this break up has been hard...I believe that it will be worth it.  It's time to move on and be able to venture out of my comfort zone (which apparently wasn't a very healthy zone).  I am very impatient and want to start seeing someone else now but I know I need a little time to collect myself more so that when God brings me this special person I can have all of my attention on him.  It makes me feel good that I can admit things to myself...even if I don't want to believe them.  I hope I don't have to reach into the Match.com pot!

what you get when you mix sleepy with mountains

mountain dew death.
itchy elbows (not actually true).
the shakes.
high anxiety.
a positive drug test (probably, but not).
the inability to sleep.
outbursts.
the need to find your true self.
i want rachels letter to come on a sunday because friends are magic and it could happen (no, no post on sundays).
hyper texts that probably make you sound like you,re desperate for attention.
unwashed hair because you would have to wash it twice ...?
cut your hair off so you dont get any ideas about curling it when its long because it wouldnt stay
you write a blog on your phone which is a terrible process and hard to correct yourself.
finally getting tired ...oh wait ive been tired all day.
drunk kitchen- shes gay and i admire that. why? because i admire the ones who are normal looking...sounds rude-sorry :(
you werent really ever my sunshine, i just liked singing the song.
if i could have a sleepover, i'd bake cakes until the sun had to rise...because if i wasnt living with my parents id probably be latenight baking every night and my neighbors would love me and never make me mad or else theyd get the desserts that were gross to me.
gonna pee, do some jumping jacks, sleep attempt

Knowing makes me happy...

Seriously...I never want to hear "I don't know" ever again.  If you don't know where to eat that is totally fine.  If you don't know how to answer to a loved one then get out the way hoe because there ain't no space for you in my life if you don't have a plan.  *Big Smile*